My Alligator Purse

Connor has adored his sister forever. I have never seen such a close bond between two people. My passive little boy first started hitting friends when they dared to touch sisters toys. Every day he says he wants our next baby to be a girl. When I ask him why he says, “Lainy Ann has been waiting for a long time for a sister and I want her to be happy.” It makes my heart swell and hurt with how much he loves her.

This year is a big year for us. Lainy Ann is 7 years old and will be going to Arizona to visit my dad, step-mom, and step-sisters for about 5 days without us. I am very excited for Lainy Ann. She really needs some girl time and hanging out with my step-sisters (who are the same age as Lainy Ann) will be tons of fun for her. To make the treat much more special she gets to fly to Arizona with my step-mom. She is very excited.

I have been excited too. I am looking forward to the different dynamic in our house for a few days. Lainy Ann likes to be in charge and can be bossy, so it will be nice for just the 3 boys to be able to play together without being directed in their play.

But Connor is devastated. When I first mentioned it 2 weeks ago he flipped out and screamed at me about how he was going no matter what. So I stopped talking about it. I didn’t want to make him anymore anxious and upset. This morning is 2 days before Lainy Ann leaves and she decided to start packing (my practical baby girl). Connor has spent the last hour in tears, begging and pleading and threatening and yelling. He even started packing his clothes. He is yelling at me for disappointing him and telling him he can’t go. He is yelling and saying he IS going.

To put this in perspective, Connor is my calm easy going child. Tantrums are not something we see from him, Lainy Ann and William yes, but not from Connor. I honestly think he is heart broken. He can’t bear the thought of being without her for 4 days. He has tried every negotiation he can think of and I don’t think its over. He is my thinker, my contemplater. I expect its going to be a long few days until he can be reunited with his sister in Arizona.

I obviously can’t speak how it has been for other generations, but it seems that this generation of grandmothers all have the same complaint; their daughters/daughter-in-laws don’t listen to their advice. I hear them talking at church and parties about how they must be dumb now just because they are old and how offended they are that their advice isn’t considered or followed.

As a young mom I understand where these unknown daughters and daughter-in-laws are coming from. Things have changed drastically in the last 30 years. We now recommend keeping children in car seats until they are 7 years old (varies by state), it used to be that 3 year olds could sit in a seat belt in the front seat. Our children are getting upwards of 36 vaccinations by the time they are 5 years old. I received 12 vaccinations. There are new discoveries about allergies daily and how they affect behavior and illness. It is also being uncovered how many chemicals are being put into our food, chemicals that weren’t being put into food when I was a young girl.

A good deal of things are the same too; basic reading, writing and discipline is the same. But now there are new products to accomplish these mundane tasks; “My Baby Can Read”, warmers for wipes, and diaper genies just to name a few. These products didn’t even exist when my mother was in the throes of new motherhood. So asking her opinion on the necessity of such a product would be useless.

The advent of the internet has allowed tons of new mothers to get the latest information on these new products and practices. Message boards have been formed where mothers from all over the world can compare notes on how best to soothe a colicky baby or the best brand of no HFCS whole wheat bread. Amazon.com has countless reviews on new products from other parents. Back when I was a girl new mothers depended on the advice of their own mothers or family members.

On behalf of all the new mom’s out there, I am sorry, grandmothers. Although we value your experience and support, sometimes we need to talk to another mother who is in the same situation as us right now. While the basics of parenting are the same, it validates us to know other mother’s are struggling to make the same decisions as us. Don’t be offended when we don’t want your advice. Just allow us to embrace our own version of motherhood.

There comes a point in the development of all my children when I have a huge sigh of relief. Some of those moments haven’t happened yet for all my kids, but I know they are coming.

Yesterday was a huge relief for me in Alexander’s verbal development. We had friends over for dinner and cupcakes and another child tried to take his cupcake. He yelled at the child, “NO, Me bite!”. I was so pleased. He used a 3 word sentences to express to the other child that it was his cupcake. There was no prompting from the adults and his first inclination wasn’t to act out physically (as usually happens with verbally delayed children).

I don’t want to jinx it and say he is caught up, but I now know that he will be totally caught up by the time he is 3 years old. That was my biggest hope for him. A delay in verbal development really hurts a child; socially, academically and even in discipline. It takes them much longer to mature. I know a few boys who had speech delays at 18 months old, but for whatever reason didn’t start services until closer to 3 years old. Now at a respective 6 years old and 5 years old they are still delayed in speech and socially, not to mention the behavior problems the parents have with those children. I’m so glad we chose not to wait. Alexander is really going to be okay . . . . at least in this respect.

Its not often that I don’t have all 4 kids with me. Even if I do, its only for a short trip to pick them up from school or a 45 minute sports class. But last Thursday my mother took Connor and William to Vegas, which left me home with only 2 kids for 24 hours. And it was my easiest two kids, the ones who can either bathe, feed and dress themselves and the other who doesn’t fight with anyone. It was great.

As a treat we headed out to KFC for dinner, those pregnancy cravings haven’t changed in 6 pregnancies, can you believe it? It was so nice having to only wrangle two kids in the store instead of four. After I finished giving my order I realized that Alexander was hiding something in his hand. After a bit of prompting he showed me that he had a big shiny quarter. It looked so big and wonderful in his chubby little hand, like the golden ticket that Charlie got.

We asked around and no other adult claimed it or at least wanted to spoil Alexander’s good mood. He was so proud of his new found treasure and promptly put it in his pocket. The only thing he loves more than something in his pocket is a ball. Alexander’s big sister spotted a super ball vending machine in the corner. With a tad bit of prompting in went the quarter and out came a bright orange ball. His eyes were so wide and excited. As we walked to the car, me with my yummy food and Alexander with his prized ball I was thankful for what a quick and easy trip it had been. Then Lainy Ann got into the car and surprised me by saying, “I am glad Alexander got a ball. He is littler than me and deserves it.”

I was very excited to have a cat in our home when we didn’t have any kids, but now that we have 4 kids I really take him for granted and yell at him a bit when he wakes me up too early in the morning. But I need to remember that he has a valuable role in our family.

William is very smitten with the cat. We recently went on a vacation whirlwind and each time we have come home he sits with kitty and loves on him and pets him for 30 minutes. Then for the next several days he sits with kitty, follows him around and if William has to leave the room he says, “mommy, can you watch kitty?”.

While we were in Florida William was very concerned about Kitty and who was watching him. Then when we got home the kitty-sitter’s son was sad to say good-bye.

Kitty is the most patient and sociable kitty I have ever met. When new children come into the home Kitty is content to let them pet him, pull his tail and essentially beat him up. He puts up with it for about 20 minutes before he runs away. He has never hurt one of our kids, if he gets the slightest bit annoyed a simple nip or bat at the head reminds the child to be gentle and polite.

Test Track was the favorite ride at Epcot. It is a car on a track that goes through a series of tests that are modeled after the same tests that a new car goes through before coming to market. Critics of the ride say its one long GM commercial and it kind of is, especially the at the end of the ride where you must walk through a showroom of 10 brand new GM cars complete with window stickers and a desk for people with additional questions.

Connor was telling my mother about his favorite ride at Epcot. He got to ride it 3 times. He told my mom, “the ride goes so fast that air goes up your nose”.

I’m really enjoying having older kids. This morning while I did dishes my 3 eldest kids made blueberry muffins. I preheated the oven while they read the directions on the back of the box and mixed it all up. Alexander was content to watch while the others cracked eggs, measured milk and mixed it together.

They are so incredibly proud of themselves for making breakfast. After that they cleaned up. Connor took out the trash and William re-lined the trash can. Next up: teach them to do laundry!

So, 3/4 of my children now have been diagnosed with speech issues. Yup. I certainly do believe it runs in the family. Some of my husband’s extended family has had speech issues as well, so we are definitely a high risk group. My two youngest boys have the simplest speech issues; a simple delay. Intensive therapy for 18 months has allowed my 3 year old to catch up and even surpass some of his peers. I am so incredibly thankful to our speech therapist Tiffany. She has been a great friend and advocate for our family.

When Alexander turned 12 mo old I started watching the signs. If you have one child in a family with speech issues then you are likely to have other children. Also, you are more likely to qualify for services through the Regional Center. At 17 months old on the dot I called Lanterman Regional Center and Alexander was qualified with no spontaneous words. Although he would mimic sounds (something that William did not) he didn’t not use any of his words or sounds on his own. Now at 20 months old he will use 2 to 3 words sentences with us. I am so pleased with how well he is talking.

Even my oldest daughter is now in speech. Although her issue was ‘created’ its no less concerning. My darling daughter’s speech story starts when she was 2 years old She LOVED her pacifier and would not give it up. When we finally decided to take it cold turkey the dentist told us she would need an implant to help grow her jaw. She wore it for one year; from 4 to 5 years old. It was a metal implant on the roof of her mouth. She started saying her /s/ sounds (and quite a few others) by putting her tongue between her teeth instead of behind her teeth. The hope was that after a few years without the implant she would correct it herself. While a lisp is cute on a 5 year old, its not so cute on a 7 year old. The decision was made with the school district that once a week she visits the speech therapist to practice and remember that her tongue goes behind her teeth.

This isn’t a ‘woe is me’ post. I fully recognize things could be so much worse. These simple speech issues are easily fixed when discovered early and worked on consistently. I know parents who ignored the problem and their children are still having issues several years later. Some of them convinced themselves that their child would grow out of it. If not diagnosed and fixed early speech will affect social skills and education. I feel badly for those children/parents, not for us.

If you have any concerns about your child’s speech check this simple checklist. By 18 months old your child should be able to spontaneously say 8-10 words, by 24 months old your child should be putting together 2 word phrases and speak 50 words. If your child is not doing this between the ages 18 mo and 36 mo old contact your local Regional Center for a free evaluation. If your child is older than 3 years old you will need to contact your local school district. You can also contact a reputable speech therapist to do a simple screening. I highly recommend Tiffany Ringle or Pat Riner-Constantino of Riner-Constantino and Assoc 818-957-2766 at 3245 N Verdugo Rd Ste 301 Glendale, CA .