I had a wonderful day. We started off the morning at church, went out for my favorite breakfast, spent the afternoon crafting Lego invites with Grandma (Happy almost 7th birthday, Connor) and we spent the evening with our closest friends having pizza and enjoying a summer rain storm. We got home late and sat in the driveway and watched the sky for lightening, something we rarely see in California. Tomorrow is supposed to be another day filled with fun. My life is truly blessed. I have more blessings than some people can ever hope for.
So, why then, does a simple announcement (on Facebook) shock me, like a slap in the face. There is no reason this should bother me. This announcement came from someone I knew in high school, someone I barely knew, someone I haven't seen in over 15 years. We have nothing in common, in fact, I'm not sure why we are even Facebook friends. I wish now that we weren't.
It was announced that in 7 months he will be having quadruplets. Let me tell you a little secret: while this news sounds very exciting and wonderful to be expecting multiples, it is not. John and Kate and Octomom have made multiple births a desired thing. They are not a blessing, they are worrisome. The human body was not designed to carry more than one child. In fact, even having a twin pregnancy is worrisome. But the media has portrayed multiple births as something to strive for, something wonderful and easy and carefree.
When this person announced their good news all I could think is, "maybe". I know there are no "for sures" when it comes to pregnancy. Any one who has experienced a miscarriage will tell you that. But someone who has experienced a twin-loss (or more) will tell you that multiples aren't 'for sure' either. And even if (big IF) the babies are born, the chances that they have life-long medical problems are high.
So I stopped. I stopped feeling angry and sad (well, not right away). I started to pray. I prayed that this woman who I have never met will never feel the pain I felt. I prayed that she will not hold her living daughter and grieve over the babies she has lost. I pray that she will feel God by her side as she undergoes a stressful and complicated pregnancy. And I pray I have the strength to not relive the death of my twins through the celebration, worry, journey she will embark over the next several months.
I want to live for my five living children. I don't want to be shocked and surprised and have my breath taken away when the reality of twins/multiples sneaks up on me. I should be spending my night remembering the fun that was had today. Not crying about what I have lost and the scary road ahead for this woman. Or the jealousy I will experience if she beats the odds and gives birth to 4 completely healthy full-term babies.
6 years. You would think after 6 years something so minor, just 140 characters, couldn't be so jarring.