Now I know why people leave the grieving alone. Sure, the first few days, even the first week, there are phone calls, visitors, flowers, meals, and cards. Then after the funeral you are left alone with your thoughts. Those horrible thoughts of what-if and why-me. Its been three years since I lost our sons and just a few people remembered and mentioned it to me. It makes me eternally sad that my sons short time on earth has been forgotten.
But today I visited a stranger, yet a sister in grief. Someone at our preschool lost her 11-day old daughter. I decided to visit her, bring her family a meal, make her life just a little easier. I knocked on the door and explained myself. She and her husband were very grateful. But the pain in her face just tore me apart. It was shocking how she could be so appreciative and devestated at the same time.
Once I got back to the car I cried. I cried for my sons, for her daughter and for the dozens of other children I personally 'knew' that have gone to heaven and the thousands of others who left this earth too soon. I understand why the grief stricken are tucked away in a corner somewhere. And why we, as the grieving, lie and reply fine, when someone asks how we are. Up until now I had only seen the uncomfortable looks of trying to get away when someone becomes aware of our situation. But this time I was on the other side of that 'look'. I just hope and pray that she didn't think I wanted to get away.