Yesterday two exciting things happened to Alexander. He didn't think they were very exciting. He just cooed and went back to sleep. But they were big milestones for him. We got size 1 diapers in the mail yesterday. He has been overflowing his newborn diapers and they were getting tight on his thighs. But the size one diapers reach up to his rib cage. I know he will grow into them, but it is quite a size difference. And his umbilical cord fell off. Well, I think I accidentally pulled it off. I was holding him in one arm while preparing a snack for the other three kids.
I don't remember thinking these things were a big deal with the other kids. But then again I was just as sleep deprived with them. For all I know I was a sobbing mess when the other kids lost their umbilical cords. But this time I'm a little sad about it. I feel like we are done having kids. (Just watch, now that I have said that I will be announcing my pregnancy at Christmas.) But growing out of newborn diapers means not diapering a newborn of my own ever again.
There is a sadness connected to each milestone now, one that I never encountered before. I won't ever have that newborn ball of baby, all scrunched up and confused about how the eyes work. His newborn-ness is wearing off. He is so long and tall now, although he is still as skinny as a bean pole. His newborn skin is peeling off and his fluffy hair is getting longer.
I have never been scared or a bawling mess when my kids start school or 'grow up'. I have been excited for them and a little misty-eyed at how grown up they are becoming. But I never wanted them to stay little. I have a feeling that will be much different with Alexander. I will want to keep him small forever.