Monday, September 17, 2007

Will it ever be normal again?

Recently I asked a friend if it would ever be normal again. She had her twin loss 4 years before mine. She has gone on to have 4 successful singleton pregnancies. I was hoping she would be able to give me some guidance in my own grief journey. Her advice was beautiful.


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No. It won't. Ever. You never get the normal back that you were use to or crave. But the todays that you do have get happier, sweeter, and easier.

Having subsequent children in no way replaces our lost babies. And it doesn't erase the scars on our heart. But it does ease the pain we feel. Because for every day that brings a painful reminder, there is a day that brings so much love.

This week will always be hard for you. Always. Just like random days throughout the year because something triggers the longing for an unfulfilled dream. But, as the years go by, you'll find that the pain that comes with those longings also have attached to it sweet memories of your other children. Again, it's not a replacement of your angel boys, it's a gift they give you to help smile when you think of them, rather than cry from the hurt.

I will be praying that during your tears this week, you are able to feel their angel wings wrapped so tightly around you.

Your Friend,
Joy

1 comment:

  1. [...] I really thought this years anniversary would be better. I had a real good cry and moping about on Monday. I bought clothes for two NICU babies and thought about how I won’t ever buy clothes for my sons. I cried, let the kids eat whatever they wanted for dinner, they watched too much television and went to bed late. But as the week progressed all of my friends remembered my sons. They wrote me inspirational notes like the one from Joy and another from Laura . And then I met strangers at Red Robin who reminded me of how lucky I truly am. [...]

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