Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Twin Stroller - with a lesson

You have heard this story before. But this time there is a twist ending.

The kids and I were eating at a restaurant. I noticed the double stroller from across the room, little boys. I snuck glances at the mom. I had difficulty paying attention to my kids because I was too busy watching this mom and her infant sons. They were so well-behaved eating jarred food from the stroller while she chatted with her friends.

I started to scheme. Should I ignore her and go home? Maybe I should talk to her. What would I say? How should I open? Should I mention my sons? Maybe she was tired of all the twin attention. As we got ready to leave we headed over to see her cute little boys. They were dressed identically at 9 months old, but they were obviously fraternal. In fact, they barely looked like brothers.

The mother was VERY nice. I commented on her adorable boys. We talked about how they looked so different and they must be so much fun. Then my kids walked out of the restaurant. They just left. I should have taken this as a sign that things could be left unsaid. After all, who was I saying this for. Would she feel better knowing my sons had died? Would I feel better mentioning it to a perfect stranger? Really, what was the purpose? I tried to convince myself that it was my way of acknowledging my sons and their existence. But that was a weak argument at best.

This time of year I am a glutton for punishment. I think about the twins all the time; their death, their delivery, what would have been, and just an overall sadness. I plan things to do to acknowledge their short lives. And my excuse is that I will never throw a birthday party so the expense is completely justified. In fact, that was our reason for being out to eat so late in the evening. I was finishing up buying 'presents' for two NICU moms/babies as birthday gifts for my sons.

Back to the story. I called Lainy Ann and Connor back into the restaurant. And I told the mom about my sons. I apologized for being so nosy during meal time and staring at the pair. I told her that twins are on my mind since I lost my own sons two years ago on Saturday.

She was so nice. She told me she was sorry to hear that. Then she reminded me to be thankful that I have other children. She too had been through many losses before she had her sons. Then at 24 weeks she went into labor. So she knew very well the feelings I was encountering. She reminded me that some ladies can't even have other children after their losses and I was the lucky one.

And to think that my original thought had been to tell her how lucky she is that her sons are with her. I guess I was the one who learned the lesson tonight.

1 comment:

  1. [...] I really thought this year’s anniversary would be better. I had a real good cry and moping about on Monday. I bought clothes for two NICU babies and thought about how I won’t ever buy clothes for my sons. I cried, let the kids eat whatever they wanted for dinner, they watched too much television and went to bed late. But as the week progressed all of my friends remembered my sons. They wrote me inspirational notes like the one from Joy and another from Laura . And then I met strangers at Red Robin who reminded me of how lucky I truly am. [...]