Tuesday, January 2, 2007

Twins in Our House

There are twins in our house. On September 22, 2005 I thought I would never utter those words. But here they are; 2 sets. They are fraternal boy-girl twins. They weigh in under 1 lb total and are made of plastic.

After we lost our twin sons I swore no more twins. I have avoided playgroups and broke down crying after seeing brown-haired twin boys in public. Then when Dora (from "Dora the Explorer") had younger siblings, twins, and all the new toys and books came out - Dora with a baby carrier for two, a book labeled 'Super Babies' and even the doll house with twins - I swore they would never be in our home. I have spent months diverting my daughter's attention from the colorful packages at the store and the enticing commercials on tv. I wouldn't even let her watch the episodes featuring the siblings. I felt it cruel that just as my grief process had begun the media began to realize that multiple births were on the rise and therefore began to market new toys and movies to siblings of multiples. Even the new Barbie DVD features a set of triplets and two sets of twins in the dancing sisters movie.

So when Grandma announced she was getting Lainy Ann a dollhouse for Christmas I immediately thought of the Twin Time Dollhouse by Fisher-Price. We spent many rounds of conversation trying to find out which dollhouse she had purchased. We described it, asked how much it cost and even looked it up online hoping an image would trigger her recollection. I was convinced that the twin dollhouse was what she had purchased, although she was unsure. She offered to return it and buy another one so my husband and I made a trip to Toys R Us and examined all the dollhouses and came to the conclusion that the Twin Time dollhouse was the right one for her and our family. And quite frankly she loves it.

I resigned myself to getting over it. After all there are twins everywhere, three sets in my local church playgroup. Everytime I turn around someone is excitedly expecting twins and quite frankly I am tired of avoiding people, places, and items. I can't hide from twins for the rest of my life - that's a long time. Besides, what do mother's grieving single births do? Avoid babies for the rest of their lives? Its just not possible. Nor practical.

So there are twins in our house. Dora and her bathtime siblings in a twin sized inner tube and miniature blond dolls with a double highchair. They are not the twins I wanted here. But they make my daughter happy. And I am proud of myself for moving forward in my grief journey, accepting that life goes on and that every day I will be confronted by multiples or other things that remind me of my sons.

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