Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Angel dates and Due dates, for friends

(Thanks to Jen for the idea for this entry)

It means the world to a loss mom to know that others have not forgotten her child(ren). And as I approach the first anniversary of the twins death I am scared that no one will remember and even more afraid that if I mention them it will be dismissed with, "but you have William now".

So here are some suggestions on things to do so your friend doesn't feel so alone:
-Send a card telling her you love her and have her and her baby in your thoughts and prayers
-Get her flowers or a small figurine to remind her of her baby
-Offer to visit the cemetary with her, or go yourself and leave flowers
-Offer to take her to lunch or for coffee and just listen
-Be sure to refer to her child by name
-Have a Mass or prayer service said in the name of her child

See some other suggestions here.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

An Experience Gift

Recently in one of my parenting magazines I read an article about how birthday parties are going overboard; there are too many parties, with too many favors and too many gifts. The parents of the givers and receivers both complain about this. The author suggested instead of purchasing another toy that is over-priced, poorly manufactured, and will likely be forgotten within a months time give an "experience" to the birthday child. She had examples like a day of baking cookies combined with a child-sized apron and a few utensils, an afternoon of riding horses, or even an outing to the zoo. The key to these gifts was to make sure to match the experience to the child and the outing would be experienced with the giver - like an extreme playdate. The author cautioned, however, that you should check with the parent before hand to make sure the experience is allowed.

Monday, August 21, 2006

The Truth is . . . .

20 Things parents of Angels wish people would remember
(Found online)

1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my babies. The truth is just because you never saw my babies doesn't mean they don't deserve your recognition.

2. I wish that if we did talk about my babies and I cried you didn't think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning my babies. The truth is I need to cry and talk about my babies with you. Crying and emotional outbursts help me heal.

3. I wish that you could talk about my babies more than once. The truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven't forgotten and that you do care and understand.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

William's Birth Day

Around 35 weeks we started to get ready for our newest bundle. We washed clothes, assembled the bassinet, car seat, stroller and other gear. I packed my bag and was ready to go into labor at any time. After all, the others were early and it had been 10 months since my last delivery. I was ready.

At 38 weeks I wondered where the baby was. Well, he was obviously in my belly, but when was he coming out. I was having braxton hicks semi-regularly and was tired of wondering each day if 'this was it'. The baby had begun to move less too. And after a frantic visit to L&D for an NST when he wasn't moving one day and many other days of cancelled playdates so I could do kick counts I was just done being pregnant.

Anniversary of Death

People often ask "how should I celebrate the anniversary of the death of my baby(ies)?" Here are a few ideas I have come across.

-a picnic at the cemetary
-releasing balloons with notes written on them
-a letter to your babies
-turn off all phones and go away for the night
-send an email or tell people that X day will be rough on you because it was your EDD, then people can call or send a card and your babies won't be forgotten
-donate things to the hospital where you delivered; either for another loss mommy (a care package with a book and disposable camera) or to the NICU
-donate to a shelter for abused or abandoned children

Hope these helped. I really do suggest you mention to people that your EDD is coming up. Mine kind of snuck up on me and I mentioned it to my husband on his way out the door. His response was, "oh". So it just came and went. No one else remembered either and it really hurt. You can simply tell people that you may be emotional for a few days.

Be gentle to youself as this date approaches and then passes. I have found that the days leading up to milestone days are much more difficult than the day itself.

Not the Middle Child

William was born safely into this world on July 29th, 2006. He was stubborn like his siblings arriving almost 30 hours after we induced, proving that he wasn't going to be made to do anything. And he was so very loud at the very beginning that I began to worry about the family dynamics.