Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Why Tell Awful Stories?

I lost my twins at 18 weeks due to a twin related condition. In the first few months after my loss I cautioned newly pregnant ladies with twins that they may not stay pregnant with twins and that "something" could happen. I did this for two reasons: I felt like I would have been better prepared if I had known that my risk was SO much higher, and I wanted the mother-to-be to know what the warning signs were and the early treatment - lots of times doctors overlook things or tell us we are worry-warts, espcecially in twin pregnancies.

However, it seems I am not alone. All the time pregnant ladies are being told horror stories of labor and/or pregnancy. Labors that last 30 hours and end in C-section, the mother barely making it. This rarely happens however the abundance of these stories makes it seem that everyone has complications. Also, these stories don't seem to serve any purpose. It just scares the dickens out of the mother.

I am hoping to shed some light on to why these horrible and scary stories are told. First of all the storyteller is hopefully trying to prevent another horror story from happening - by spreading the knowledge, just as we hear of SIDs stories, perhaps more babies and mothers will be saved.

Also, there is quite a bit of jealousy (understandably) from loss moms. We were so terrified and still are so terrified of the worse happening. I'm 26 weeks and have just begun to research strollers. I won't buy anything until 32 weeks. It would be so nice to have a baby shower, no worries, indulge in frivolity and fun of opening gifts. So when we see other moms doing it - anytime before the 3rd trimester we are jealous. It would be so nice to be innocent again and think that losses happen to 'other people'. I had no idea that babies could die after you saw a heartbeat. I was blissfully ignorant with my first 2 kids. But now I know. I know that even now, at 26 weeks, counting kicks isn't enough.

Hope that sheds some light on to why people tell these awful stories. I know its hard to hear them and that you worry about it for a long time afterwards - but it is so important for us to tell them; to validate our children, to bring purpose to their lives, to hopefully prevent another woman's heart from breaking.

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